I was a few years ahead of the Drunk Baby Meme when I wrote these.
I was at the birth of our pal Gavin when I started inventing these jokes to distract and amuse his mom. I posted them to an old livejournal account in 2003. Luckily, I kept it archived, so here it is for no reason other than to continue the theme of going in bars (Oly Pub Crawl, Chive Meet-Up, Bloodwrestling at the Urban Onion).
A baby walks into a bar and orders a milk. The bartender says, “I can’t serve you. Don’t you see the sign. It says No Minors!”
The baby says, “I’m not a miner, I’m a baby!”
The bartender says, “Get outta here and go home to your mother”.
Well, if you were in labor you might laugh.
An hour or so later I came up with this one.
Another baby walks into another bar and orders a milk. The bartender asks, “Have you got any ID?” The baby reaches into his diapers and pulls out his sonogram.
The bartender says, “How do I know this is you?”
The baby says, “What do ya mean? That’s my nose, that’s my thumb I’m sucking! See, that’s me!”
After a moment the bartender says, “Hey! You gotta be 21 YEARS old, not 21 WEEKS old! Get outta here!”
A baby walks into a bar and orders a double shot of their best cream with a binky chaser and says to “put it on my tab!”.
The bartender asks, “Who do you think you are!?”
The baby says, “Aw, Daaad, you know me!”
A baby crawls into a bar and pulls himself up onto a stool and says, “A bottle of your house white.” Then he notices the well-endowed barmaid and quickly corrects himself, “On second thought, whatever you have on tap.
and just because I’ll be subbing in Kindergarten next week, another baby meme – Success Kid!