My Belated Funny Valentine’s

For my day job I hang out with 1st graders, and I get to do arts and crafts related to upcoming holidays.

As I was creating a Valentine’s envelope I didn’t realize how my life would imitate art. Specifically, it was to imitate a Charlie Brown Valentine (which we had rented the previous week).

To refresh your memory, Chuck doesn’t get a single solitary Valentine’s card… until… the following day when he is approached by several girls who felt bad and offer him some of theirs. Schroeder intervenes and reads the girls the riot act. He tells them that Charlie Brown doesn’t need their day-late reused Valentine’s cards. They can’t ease their guilty consciences with this pitiful display of pity.

Chuck suddenly pipes up with, “Don’t listen to him. I’ll take them!”

The big day arrived, and it was rapidly becoming apparent that most of the kids did not plan on including adults in the card exchange. Several quick-thinking girls drew me cards on construction paper. Then we shift into the parallel cartoon universe. A girl had recently moved away and kids did not know what to do with hers.

The teacher suggested, “Maybe you could give it to Mr. Justin,” and so they did. Poor Rebecca! Her Pixie Stix got re-gifted. You can call me Re-Justin.

After school, Trish picked me up and informed me that we would be going to Olive Garden. The boy has a fondness for their breadsticks. We arrived and were shown a table.

It did not meet the boy’s approval. He preferred the large corner table by the window, set for six.

We ordered and ate our salad and breadsticks. Then the boy started to shiver and asked to go home. I told our server, “There’s good news and bad news. The good news is that this table will soon be available. The bad news is that the boy doesn’t feel so good. Could we get our order to go?” Instead of going home, we took him to the doctor’s office instead. The doctor told us to go to the hospital for a flu test. It turned out that he had Type A Influenza, and it was highly probable that all of us had it.

After all, he sleeps in our bed still, I eat off his plate, and he sneezes in my face.

I took the rest of the week off, and since the following week was mid-winter break I stayed at home blowing my nose. At least I had left-over gourmet pizza!