Category Archives: Singing Telegram

Adult Three Way Party (SFW)

"Ol' King Kong, it's a sad old story.. he wanted some love and the love turned gory

“Ol’ King Kong, it’s a sad old story.. he wanted some love and the love turned gory

“Bapak Utan” sang “Ol’ King Kong” by Sandman the Rappin’ Cowboy.

I read “A Birthday Clown for Archer” by Kathy Mashburn about a boy who convinces his coulrophobic mother to hire a clown for his birthday.  After all, it’s HIS BIRTHDAY!

PLEASE MOM PLEASE MOM PLEASE MOM j/k. He’s a nice kid that Archer.  Not like some people’s kids.  This lady here has a kid.  The middle kid.  I worked with him.  I have lots of notes.  A real sweet heart and funny guy but he could turn on you, start throwing crayons faster than you can say Jack Asperger’s.

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Jonathan’s Surprise Visit

I got a call around 11 AM from California.  A mom’s travel plans had fallen through, so she was looking to surprise her son with a pie-in-the-face delivery that evening.  She used to plan elaborate theme parties for him, so when he had heard the news he remarked, “You’re not coming? What, no clown either?”.

Quickly google-ing, she found a clown offering “a twist” on traditional birthday clown services: C’est Moi!


Jonathan is turning 23.  He’s a senior at Evergreen, my alma mater.  He’s the proud father of a 6 week old.  I asked him, “Is it too early to ask what you’re doing next?”

“Graduate school,” he answered without hesitation.

“Well, there is one economical alternative in post-baccalaureate certification I can recommend: the food handlers’ permit!” (said while donning fingerless dishwashing gloves)

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His mom originally scheduled me for a 6:30 delivery, but pushed it back until after 7.. which coincidentally had me arrive during the middle of another epic hailstorm.


‘Adult’ Singing Telegram + Pie Delivery

Right after I started work on my Adult material for the Vaudeville audition, I got a call regarding a party for two amigos turning 40 & 48.  I directed the caller to check out my services page, and she asked about the Adult Themes!  However, she said that kids would be present, so I suggested a second clown.  No dice.  Of course, as soon as I arrived, the kids were all over me and the adult material was kept under wraps as I tried to convince them I was a REAL CLOWN!  One expected scarves to come out of my mouth.

Nevertheless, I sang and delivered pies… even busted out the flaming pies.  Client satisfied.

Another Singing Telegram Delivered

Just returned from JFK HS in Burien where I delivered a special Happy Fiftieth Birthday Telegram to a teacher on behalf of his brothers.  They also wanted him to know “Bears Suck, Packers Rule“.

The “Mr. Birthday” Look AKA Jusby the Plain Faced Fool

Is that the Pope on the wall behind me?!  We’re in a Catholic High School!

This is a long way from my gig in MTV’s High School Stories!

For He’s a Jolly Good 5-0!

Mrs. Martin, Did You Let this Clown In?

Yes!  No one knew all your students would be gone!

It’s All Good!  Thanks, American Singing Telegrams!

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