Here’s my new friend, Dan Bolduc, formerly of Mut, formerly of The Flaming Eggplant, currently of The French Camp.
Honey the Clown recommended that I contact him to facilitate the creation of my first flaming pie tin prototypes. He builds flaming poi on the side. His largest recent work was a 7 pointed flaming star used at the conclusion of a secret cafe.
I arrived shortly after 3PM today and woke him up. He’d been up until 3AM per usual. We quickly got to work.
We found that both of our fathers were engineers, so we realized it would be a good idea to draw up some plans. The pie tins were to have a wooden buffer between the steel and the flesh of my hand. Screws would pass through the wood, and he would grind their points off. An eyebolt would pass through both the wood, the steel and a cathedral wick of Kevlar. Dan knew the secret of folding the wick back onto itself so that it would hold enough fuel and not fray.
Overall, it was supposed to be a simple enough process. Dan retrieved a drill that had recently been gifted to him. His old drill had been appropriated by the restaurant he used to manage, Evergreen’s Flaming Eggplant. This one looked like a suitable replacement, but it had a screwdriver bit in, and we needed to swap it out for a drill bit.
Where was the chuck key?
It didn’t come with one. So I drove to the hardware store and found that there were TEN possible matches, all of various gauges and measurements. A phone call didn’t clear it up, but another helpful customer offered his free advice: “Bring the drill in…. OR… you can actually use a flat head and a phillip’s head to work it loose.”
Hmmm… or I could try to choose the closest probable fit, and if I have to come back I’ll just bring the receipt. I don’t ever want to return empty-handed. The helpful customer adds, “When you get the right key, tie it onto the drill so you don’t lose it.” Hmmm. I ponder some more. “Or,” my new friend says, poking his head back in my aisle,”Use one of the drill bits and a skrewdriver. I’ve done that about a hundred times.”
I use my intuition and pick one that seems right.
Back at Dan’s we can’t get the thing open. The key seems to fit nicely, but it just doesn’t turn. It breaks a tooth off the chuck, however. I suggest the screwdriver trick and the bit with a screwdriver, but neither really works. So I go back to the hardware store.
I bring the drill this time, and I don’t see the two guys who helped me before, so I ask two different guys. This is the right bit, but it’s just rusted stuck. Try some Liquid Wrench they advise. I buy some.
Back at Dan’s again we get the drill to open and accept the new bit. However, it doesn’t clamp completely shut, and stalls during the drilling, so he’s got to pound on it and push through the steel.
A young lady friend of his, Giselle, shows up. He introduces me as Jusby the Clown.
She says, “That sounds familiar. Are you on Opium?”
“Ahem. Not lately.” Oh, it’s a list-serve. Then, through the conversation they have I figure it out. “You’re following me on Twitter!” That’s it. Dan can’t figure out Twitter, and he’s only on Facebook to see what others are doing. He doesn’t have any friends there.
Dan keeps working. He’s also expecting a visit from Rachel to loan her a drum. It just happens to be Rachel Carns.
“You mean the rock star?” I ask. That may not be the term to describe her, but (as I’ve just discovered) she’s got her own wikipedia entry… they know her as Rachel who makes Magic Kombucha, which is sold at the Flaming Eggplant, Quality Burrito, the Food Co-op, etc.
In any event, Rachel shows up and is genuinely surprised to see a flaming pie tin prototype being constructed, but she’s there on her own mission, and Dan pauses long enough to give her some handling instructions about his Djembe. The drum head was made from the skin of a local goat. Don’t get it wet. Not even a few raindrops. [or the spirit of the goat will haunt youuuuuu...]
She’s gonna do some recording and see if she wants to buy one.
Then Dan finishes up the first prototype. For the second one I let him use more of the wick he has instead of the scrap I brought. The kind I had will burn out faster apparently. The cost is adding up, but it’s going to be worth it. He’s never made or even heard of anyone making these kind of fire devices. Now I’ve got two of them, one for each hand.
Perhaps I’ll sand the wood and paint it black. Perhaps I’ll add some spray foam insulation.
Perhaps I’ll just got get some white gas and light it up.
Posted by Jusby the Clown 
