At the recent Northwest Festival of Clowns, I attended three workshops by David “Silly Billy” Kaye.  I went to his Birthday Party Show, Solving the Top 10 Problems of Working with Children, and How to Create Magic Routines for a Trick.

Then I missed his Six Principles of Performing Magic for Children because Francois was bugging me about some shoes and I got us lost in Tacoma.  As Francois was convincing me (“We go now?”), Silly Billy was playing his videos and showing his Power Point and saying, “This is my Main Talk.  These are the secrets to how I’ve made over a million dollars as a clown, and it’s all in my book… which is $50 and I only have a few left.”

But that was at the end of the weekend.

At his Birthday Party demo~

He tells lots of jokes for the adults so they will not talk to each other.  He led warm-ups (including push-ups) for the kids.   He started by asking for volunteers to wear goofy masks.

Big on the danger of physical injury, sparring with the kids, hitting them with the wand, a rubber hammer, and tickling with a feather duster.

He lets them know “two more tricks and then we’re done”.

He uses a confetti cannon to indicate that the show’s over, and the kids like to scoop up the confetti as another souvenir.  Then he gives them gifts for all with his branding.

He advises that you always dress your stage with a big sign with your name.  “Don’t call me what those kids did last weekend.  It’s not Silly Baby!’

Or in my case, “It’s NOT Fuzzby!”

We clowns often perform without the benefits of seats, lights, curtains, stage, or staff.  All those things keep audiences from disrupting entertainers in the theater.

After a nightmare show many years ago, Silly Billy came up with this material, thinking ‘There’s got to be a better way.’

It was morning.  He is not a morning person.  He had been performing for 20 days, every morning, doing a ‘Breakfast with Santa’ gig at Lord & Taylor.  That morning he had no hot water, so he had to boil water on the stove to shave.  Because he lives in Manhattan he doesn’t drive a car, so he had to take a train to the gig.  With his magic trunk.  In the snow.  During his show, a particularly horrible family kept interrupting, ruining it for everyone.  Although, only two people in the world know what actually happened, it ended with the mom pushing his table over.

Finally, at home again and sitting around a fire with a brandy, lighting his cigar with the $30 they paid him, he came up with this plan.

(Five steps to) Solving the Top 10 Problems of Working with Children~

The first step is PREVENTION.  Way before the show starts, you give the customer lots of guidance to avoid the problems that vex you.  You’ll let them know on the phone, in the confirmation letter and at the top of the show that:

1. Parents should sit with children smaller than 3 (“they tend to want to explore”)
2. Parents should not feed the audience WHILE they’re watching
3. The show should be in a place without too many distractions (tv, band, toys, pets)

The second step is HUMOR.  Point out the problem in a funny way.  As a lady exited he said, “When you come in try to sit for the whole thing.”  Just then another lady entered, and he said, “Can I get you something?  Like a watch?”  Or he might start trying to auction off a wandering kid.  He has a bullhorn he uses like a cop, “Stop where you are!  Freeze!  Hands where I can see them!”

The third step is Ask NICELY.  You may step out of character a little bit and be direct.

The fourth step is Ask more FORCEFULLY.  “It’s really distracting, and Mrs. Smith spent a lot of money so I could do a full show within the time allotted.”

The fifth and last step is STOP the SHOW!  Then you seek a higher authority (i.e. Mrs. Smith).  “Kids, stay here.  I’ll be right back…. Mrs. Smith, one of your guests is… ruining the show.  I want to do the best show I can.  This will help.  Could you talk to them?”  And even if the host doesn’t eliminate the problem, at least you will know that you have shifted the responsibility to them.

All together the steps make can be recalled with the mnemonic device: Performer Has Need For Sanity. [Prevention, Humor, Nicely, Forcefully, Stop]

Then Silly Billy gave specific examples of what he might say or do with specific offenders.

Sitting too close, standing up, or getting on stage.

• “I choose assistants from kids who are sitting cross cross.  Did I mention that?”
• (to child) “I’ll give you three chances to stand up, not counting this one.”
• (to audience about child) “It’s a stage he’s going through.”
• (for a learning to walk toddler) “You’re Drunk!” (depends on the audience) OR he’ll pull out an old school video game joystick and try to ‘drive’ them off the stage.
• (too close or on stage) “Can you see okay from there?”
• (child about to touch props) “Don’t touch it, don’t touch it, don’t touch it!!  Aghhh!”

He may turn them around and ‘wind them up’ with a giant toy key, then give them a push away from the stage area.

If the moms & dads are talking in the background

“This is the watching room.  Around the corner is the talking room.”

He will bring a variety of kids up front as helpers  so that their parents will be quiet and watch.

“Hey, kids, let’s play the Shushing Game.  When you hear your mom talking in the background, turn around and shout ‘Mom, Shush!’ The parent who talks the loudest will be picked at the end for the water down the pants trick.”

He will also fire a squirt gun at talkers.

If you do a great show kids will not run up and grab your stuff.

• “Let me guess.  You were dropped off at the party?”
• “Decaf?”
• “It’s okay.  I have the heart of a child.  It’s in this box.”

(Faking a call from mom) “Oh, he’s behaving… I’m doing you a solid, kid.”

“Want to be the king?  Sit on this throne and look on all the servants.”  (Put chair at the back of the audience)

You can draw an invisible line for the stage or use traffic cones or props that relate to your character.  A friend of his had a fake electrical fence gag that he worked with the assistance of a Funken Ring that sparks shoot out of.

If the hosts are planning an outdoor event > “Think of the comfort of your guests, the number of distractions.”

Cell phone ringing > “If it’s my wife… I’m not here.”

When an audience member says “I’ve seen that” it means they’re eager to see it again.  Even when they say “I know that one” you can reply

• “So do I.”
• “Close your eyes and I’ll tell you when it’s over.”
• “You know a magician never reveals his secret.”
• “I don’t so don’t ruin it for me.”
• “Ok, I won’t do it.”
• “Will you watch and tell me later how I did.”
• “Will you do it?”

If the kid says, “You’re just a person with clown make-up on!” reply “You must be a clown with person make-up on!”

Older siblings and their friends at the party

Make them helpers for the little kids!  “If you help me I’ll show you how I do a trick afterward.”  Some performers may even go so far as to provide yellow SECURITY T-shirts and sunglasses for the helpers.

A shy child

Prevention – ask during the phone conversation and front-load by suggesting, “Go to my website to see some pictures of me.  Tell him that I will ask him to help during the show.”  Send a letter to the kid before the show with your picture, of course.

During the show you can use a shy character puppet or bubbles.

Silly Billy finds that there is no benefit from the clown clowns or make-up.  He’s wears a brightly colored  T-shirt, pants with enough pockets, and oversize glasses.

I asked Silly Billy to share his personal story of going from an amateur to a professional clown.  He said that he had grown up as a New York Jew and that meant that he was supposed to be a doctor or a lawyer.  He had studied magic as youth and kept his skills up.  After college he went to Europe and came back to a job that he felt he needed to work a lot of overtime at to get done right.  So he worked 50 or 60 hours a week until they said they wouldn’t keep paying the overtime.  Rather than do the job poorly he quit.  He started busking and made more in one day than he was making in a week at the old job. So he street performed for three years.  He credits his success, in part, with his location.  Manhattan is full of millionaires.  At one point when he was charging a $100 for a birthday party, he overheard a guest talking with a mom about the price of the birthday cake.  She had paid $200 for the cake!  He said to himself, “I’m worth more than a cake!” and raised his rates accordingly.