Dirty Laundry Departs

February 9, 2008

Ever since I saw The Secret and the nice (but goofy) lady said, “If something bothers you, don’t talk about it, don’t join groups about it…”

I thought, uh-oh, don’t blog about it either?

Well, yeah. It doesn’t help to whine and complain about my pet peeves.

So here’s the spin. I enjoyed wearing this T-shirt from the boy store Dad shopped at. The store doesn’t exist anymore. The shirt has stains and a little hole chewed in it by a bird. I’m letting it go. I’m making room for a T-shirt that has more relevance and a professional appearance. It’s the feng shui of attire.

howlettfront.jpg Read the rest of this entry »


Chasing Arrows to the single A

February 2, 2008

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Chasing arrows do not guarantee safe passage from shelf to curb to factory to shelf again.

Not all numbers within the triangle (Resin Identification Code) are accepted for recycling.

I’m SO THANKFUL the city switched to one giant comingled bin.

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Other dirty laundry stories

January 26, 2008

Months before the dryer had started frying everything, the new washer was acting up. It was making funny noises besides swish-swash-do-the-wash-proom-Prooom-proom-Prooom…

Ever pro-active, Trish called for service. I happened to be home when the Maytag repairman came a-knockin’.

He pried the thing open and checked it out. Then he turned it on to give it a whirl. After about five or ten minutes he figured it out.

“It’s your transmission,” he said.

You could’ve knocked me over with a feather. He couldn’t have stunned me more if he’d said, “It’s your alternator and your cataclysmic conversion.” What do I know from washer workings? Lotta Nada, Mama.

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Shopping Local

December 6, 2007

Jusby’s done some of his holiday shopping already.

He went to Orca Books for three gifts.

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He went to Wind up Here for several gifts…

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including a playmobil set for Orion (shhhh…) playmobil.gif

Orion also gets gifts on Winter Solstice. He’ll get a headlamp, a clip-light for the car, and a color changing light that attaches to the bathroom sink.

What are readers buying/selling/ trading?

Remember that Jusby and Trish are participating in the Thurston County Waste Free Holidays program again this year!

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Clowns can has cheezburgerz

November 30, 2007

Jusby is fascinated by gumbo because of the unusual combining of several meats (chicken and bacon, sausage and shrimp, etc.).

Jusby recalls a disappointing assumption he made about a new burger at Jack in the Box AKA Jacques dans la boîte AKA Yak inna Vox.

Driving past the banner for the Outlaw Burger, he mistakenly thought it was a chicken fillet ON TOP of a burger – plus some other junk, of course. That would have been something different.

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Sadly, it turned out to be something known in other realms as the Rodeo cheeseburger (BK $.99). They throw on an onion ring (or a few) with some BBQ sauce. This time, they affiliated with KC Masterpiece. Plus some bacon. The onion ring provided the optical illusion of another breaded patty of something. Plus they offer a Spicy Chicken version. You can see Jusby’s confusion (and wishful thinking).

It’s a bigger version of their $.99 Western Cheeseburger, but it has 720 calories and 360 of them are from Fat!

But compare it to the Bacon Cheese Ciabbiata at 1120 calories (684 from Fat)!

And compare it to the idea of a new fangled club sandwich with chicken AND beef! That’s NEVER been done. It would break taboos we don’t even know about. You never see a chicken omelette. It’s just not done. Always pork comes between fowl and cow. Well, you might get a fried egg on a burger. What about combinations with fish? They never offer bacon on a fish burger! They never offer jumbo prawns on a burger!

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Best Halloween Ever

November 1, 2007

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Mercury Ranger vs. the Halloween House

October 30, 2007

We caved.

Orion kept saying he wanted to be a Power Ranger for Halloween. We had never watched Power Rangers as a family. We didn’t know where he got the idea, but his other ideas were: Darth Vader or a Transformer.

I started to get very hung up on all of us dressing in complementary costumes. If he was to be a knight. We could be a king and queen.

For a while we considered being Harry, Ron & Hermione. Trish was excited to buy a new hair curler. I would be in “red hair and hand-me-down robe”.

One night, during bath time, Trish called me in and said, “We can be rubber ducks! It’ll be easy. We can cut out cardboard and paint it and get little duck noses and spray our hair yellow and get some feathers…”

Me (calculating the time and expense), “Uh huh.”

Well, some things go by the wayside. Especially when there’s work and school and work IS school and homework and home IS work…

So we stopped at Target and let him pick out his favorite color among those left in his size… now 25% off!

This guy, it turns out, is a Special Ranger. He’s an alien who can transform (or ‘MORPH’, if you’ll recall) into the liquid metal, Mercury. He sometimes drives a fire truck zord.

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I took him over to the Halloween House for a trial run. He showed his bravery in the face of horror!

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I can’t say as much for daddy.

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I’m hoping to spend some time there in costume after Trick or Treating. They’re open until 10 PM.


Jack-o-Pirate & Jusby the Chef

October 30, 2007

A few weeks ago I came home and Orion ran out of the kitchen exclaiming, “There’s Pumpkin Pie!”

Oh, how I jumped for joy!

Then Trish corrected, “No, there’s not… yet.”

She was putting a whole pumpkin into the oven to cook.

Oh, how I slumped for sorrow! I wanted that pumpkin pie NOW!

Then Trish went to work. She had not left any other ingredients to make a pie, and I do not make crusts from scratch when pumpkin pie is concerned. I certainly don’t substitute almond milk when sweetened condensed milk is required. I don’t usually follow ANY RECIPES, but I loves my pumpkin pie CLASSIC STYLE.

I had told Trish that my goal this year was to eat 16 Pumpkin Pies, and time was a-wastin’. Trish called to check in. I told her, “Don’t come home empty handed!” She asked what I needed.

“A PUMPKIN PIE!”

Well, she was willing to stop, but she decided that rather than going three more blocks to Fred Meyer’s she’d check out Cattin’s. About a half an hour later she arrived with a styrofoam clamshell full of chicken pasta alfredo and an unopened box with a frozen pumpkin pie! Apparently, Trish misunderstood my request. If I had wanted to bake a pie I would’ve asked for condensed milk!

She took a few bites of the pasta and remarked, “This is awful. Remind me to never stop there again.” We watched a movie in the office while the pie cooked. It was what I needed, for sure.

As soon as it was gone we bought some pie crusts for the farm pumpkin.

When I scooped out all the meat into a bowl it looked like we might have enough for FOUR pies, but something didn’t seem right to me. I knew that air and water comprised much of the volume, and I considered boiling it down. I opted for blending it first.

With a closer reading of the Joy of Cooking I noticed that they recommend draining it in a colander with cheesecloth. Lacking cheesecloth I used a dish towel. After the excess liquid had drained we had enough for TWO pies.

On Orion’s SECOND trip to the farm with his preschool, he brought us home another pumpkin. This one we saved for carving.

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Right now on top of the stove I have a Fred Meyer $1.99 Pumpkin Pie cooling off!

And in the fridge, Pumpkin Egg Nog!

[edit: how's that pie going to cool off on top of the stove? It needs to be here in the office next to me! ;) ]


How am I doing?

October 26, 2007

New Year’s Resolutions 2007

 

3-day Camping trip [Sherwood Forest (3 days/ two nights)]

Orion sleeping in his own bed [ for Naps: YES, Starting Winter Solstice: for the night]

Have our garage sale

Carpet out of office, floor painted

Firewalking [um... no hurry there]

Video blog

Play lottery [How easy is this?]

Clown continuing ed

Paula Biggio [with Big Foot Clown Alley]

Sacred Clown Workshop [with Simple Fool School]

Giving Comedy Consultations/ Workshops

AMTA for Trish and Massage Practitioners

Spina Bifida for Patti Logan and Friends

Copy of MTV show [my episode of High School Stories (I played the Spanish Teacher at Steilacoom]

Really big birthday party [nope, maybe my 40th in 2009]

Indonesian Feast [Bakmi Goering, Nasi Goering, Krupuk, Rijstaffel, etc.]

Frame big pictures [posters from Indonesia, Ron's Orange Rose, etc.]

Potluck Nacho Party [How many types of Nachos can you make?]

 

 


Boundaries and Left-overs

October 17, 2007

RM and Oma had similar issues around their property.

  1. They were both overwhelmed and seemed to welcome my suggestions, but they both kept vetoing them.
  2. They both planned on selling.
  3. They both had divorce left-overs to purge.
  4. They both would’ve preferred that I bill BY THE HOUR

It was all about boundaries. It was all about better defining them, cleaning them up, making them enticing.

On my first day I started with something obvious: lopping the blackberries growing up through her deck!

She also wanted the white plastic lattice taken off the deck, the deck to be power washed, and the railing to be repainted. Along with power washing and repainting all the trim of the (double-wide) ‘house’.

I ripped off the lattice, but the power washer she had was missing a piece. Several days later she brought a bigger one. We couldn’t get it to go until my last day. By then I’d logged almost 32 hours in six days, so I billed for FOUR DAYS.

As she handed me a check for $400 she said, “I thought about offering you the Kia in trade.” I laughed loud enough for her to get the idea that I would not be giving the check back in exchange for the car.

Months later she called again and we made an agreement that I borrow it again, and that it would probably take up to five days more work.

I spent much of it power washing.

Twice I experienced humorous demonstrations of over pressurization related to the device. Once I let the gas can sit too long in the sun. When I went to refill the washer the cap went flying with a POP. It was a little yellow cap lost in an area with little yellow flowers. I spent about 10 minutes retrieving it.

Another time I turned the spigot of the hose too far and it shot into the air. The 10 minutes I spent retrieving that seemed a lot longer, and a lot wetter.

I had to do some quick mental math to figure out the likely distance it had traveled.

It was a case of the handle being quicker than the eye. My eye followed the spray of water into the air and assumed the handle had gone 10 feet. I found it in the tall grasses about a foot from the nozzle.

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Razr Phone Shots

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It sure would have been nice if we had figured out how to get all that area mowed and trimmed. RM did hire a neighbor’s grandson to go over most of the yard with a riding lawn mower (for $8/hr), but we never did get the edging done on this particular section.

At the end of that second week I had logged 35 hours in 7 days and had to leave town [on the bus with Orion] before I could get paid or return the key to the Purple Truck.  Negotiations broke down, and Trish accepted a lesser amount (than 4+ days worth) on my behalf but did not return the key.  I still have it.

A key with no car is as good as none at all.


Red Van, Purple Truck

October 16, 2007

Flashback to Spring of ’06 – TCTV- I was on freelance assignment for a gig at the St. Martin’s Worthington Center when we discovered we needed a completely different power pack for a camera, so they sent me back to the station, but the best the station could offer was a battery.

In the midst of the hub bub I saw an old colleauge, SC. She said that she needed a PA.

I was momentarily confused by the term. She did not mean Public Address system but Production Assistant.

I had worked with her before, and I knew she had her own video production company. We started an e-mail and phone conversation about the details. I found out that her greatest challenge was lack of good business sense.

For instance, she asked me what I charged.

Since I am not a professional PA I had to think it over, and I used a formula that doubled my resentment rate ( the amt below which I’d resent working) and gave me a healthy dose of self-esteem AND THAT equaled my pleasure-t0-do-business-with-you rate or $20 an hour.

I quickly learned that SC was in over her head. She had about fifty websites for various projects none of which generated any income for her. She had two bosses that needed web content; her son and daughter-in-law made jewelry; her long-time family friend was building a podcasting empire.

I helped get the jewelry pictures and text and buttons and shopping cart going and then we discovered the bad news

- Yahoo Merchant Services is incompatible with the Bank of America!

I also helped her get buttons and text and MP3 podcasts up, but that boss kept painting her castles in the air. It sounded like this, “Big things are just around the corner… We’re getting ready for our launch… We’re going to rent a space and get you all new computers, etc.”

At first SC offered her husband as my chauffeur. He could pick me & Orion up, take Orion to daycare, bring me to their home office and reverse it five hours later. Sometimes I could drop Trish and Orion off and have the car. Sometimes Trish would be the chauffeur.

Then Trish started commuting to the Sol Duc hot springs for long weekends. I asked aobut the Red Voyager parked out front. It was redundant, a hand-me-down from a previous PA, and it was available for my use. I got the keys and took it. I’ve already blogged about it a little.

It didn’t have a working odometer or gas gauge, so I found myself walking on more than one occasion.

I’ve already mentioned the idea that Your Car is Your Way. Even though SC wasn’t using that Voyager -her mindset was a little ‘Broken-Gas-Gaugey’. I found that out when one of my paychecks bounced. Eventually we both realized that she couldn’t afford me, and we parted ways. She let me have the Red Van on indefinite loan.

I kept the Voyager until right after the big windstorm when it died. It died because I killed it by not adding any oil probably because I knew that it was not my way.

I had enjoyed my ability to haul my clown bike [Oh, yeah, a clown is supposed to be writing this blog], and to commute twice a day down Yelm Hwy to my horrific job.

To haul the bike I’d removed the rear row of seats. We had that row of seats in our carport for almost a year – until a few weeks ago when it left in the back of our currently borrowed jalopy truck!

Let’s not skip the actual death scene, though.

I was out of work again. Luke was visiting because his power had been out for a week. I got the message that I really ought to go down to LABOR READY again. I didn’t leave as early as would be prudent to expect work. It was probably 7:30 AM. I fully intended to resume blog-composition-mode in the lobby.

Right at the exit to Labor Ready the Red Van gave up the ghost with enough inertia for me to get off the FWY and coast through a roundabout and into a the parking lot of Goodwill.

Luke came to rescue me. His assessment was “Serious issues: cracked head gasket or seized pistons.” I called SC and told them. They said, to the effect of, “Oh, well.”

We waited at Labor Ready for a while and went home and dinked with the new computer Oma had brought the day before.

Along came Spring break and an offer of freelance landscaping for RM, a friend of a friend. I met the original friend, JG, working at the Capital Mall Food Court. She was a custodian. Her friend, RM, is some kind of software tester. She wanted her place cleaned up to sell. She’s building another house. “She pays good,” said JG.

Okay. On Easter we checked it out. A Double-wide mobile home on an acre. Going wild. I gave her a rate of $100 per DAY. This turned out to be a problem later on. This was the same rate I had charged OMA though. It’s a rate that’s supposed to reflect the scale of the project and the speed of the worker. I may get there very early. I may take a long lunch. I may stay late or leave early. I have to work smart, vary my activities, and compensate for weather and family duties.

If you give someone power tools and leave them in your yard, you’d better trust them. RM decided to trust me with more than power tools. In order to spare Trish the job of chauffeuring me we agreed that I could borrow her spare car, a Kia (“the Purple Truck” ~ Orion). She primarily used it to haul hay for her sheep and llamas. It smelled like a barn in there. On of my first discoveries was a dead mouse.

We had to jump start it, but I drove it away and made my second discovery: the speedometer didn’t work. Well, go with the flow of traffic, I thought. Then I got pulled over.

She had assured me it was insured, but there was no paperwork. Also the tabs had expired. I got off with a warning, and she met me at Ralph’s the next morning to get current tabs. She also had to spring for new plates, but she reassured me that she’d talk to her insurance company. I never did get any paperwork from her that week or the week I worked for her that sandwiched the reunion.


ripping and tearing, hauling and moving

October 6, 2007

Meanwhile, our own feng-shui-the-garage project took all summer and included scenarios of asking for both permission and forgiveness.

Trish asked our landlord, GI Jeff, if we could pull up the carpet. She wanted an organic concrete stain and showed me pictures from a magazine that looked like everything from bricks to marble tiles.

Instead of waiting for Trish to be available, I started cutting out swathes of carpet and moving bookshelves. We tried an experiment of sheltering possessions in our tent in the vain hope that we could get the project done in one fell swoop. I’m sad to report that my old sepia toned globe was ruined one night when it rained in an unzipped tent flap.

Eventually we abandoned that idea and switched to the garage sale idea, which, of course, evolved into the take-it-to-the-free box idea. I’m still working on that one.

 

A quick aside > I’m a frequent caller to Radio 8-Ball on KAOS 89.3 FM, and I called in June to ask what my summer would look like. The answer came from Heather McElhatton’s book Pretty Little Mistakes (instead of a randomly selected CD set to shuffle). Andras read from a random page: “At one point there are over 100 people in the flat ripping and tearing, hauling and moving as quickly as they can.” The main character had put up a sign that read “Everything for free.”

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The book is a Choose Your Own Adventure Novel for Adults, and in spite of a diligent and methodical search for this particular passage I could not seem to find it. Until last night. I meditated on the question again and ‘shuffled’ by flipping through the pages several times and stopping on that exact thread; our heroine had been lured to England by an online romance. After he dumped her for his radiologist she took her revenge by opening his flat up to the public for looting.

 

Back to our garage/ office>

I did get the floor cleared and even painted a yellow accent wall to match the one we’d done in the living room. I seemed a shame to cover most of it with bookcases, so I asked Trish if I could remove the cheap cardboard backing. At first she resisted the idea. They do provide some extra stability, but I convinced her that the benefit would outweigh the risk. Even with books on the shelves we get about ten more square feet of color.

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On the floor Trish had wanted stain. I had wanted a fancy epoxy to add an insulating layer of rubbery goodness, but Trish didn’t like any of the color choices. We finally agreed on a stain color named ‘Moroccan Dunes’, in the red-brown family. However, the concrete was actually two tones, and Trish quickly determined that her stain would not achieve the desired effect on either tone.

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Exasperated, one evening in the Fred Meyer, I noticed some deeply discounted latex exterior paint. I asked Trish if any of the various colors would work as a substitute. They even had something from the red-brown family, so we settled on that for $5.

It turned out to look less like ‘Moroccan Dunes’ than ‘Chicago Abattoir’. That is to say: ‘Ox-blood on the butcher’s apron’. No, I’m joking you. I’m kidding. I’m pulling your leg. However, the office is sort of like my womb away from womb anyway.

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Update on that piano

October 6, 2007

I e-mailed Tony asking him what happened to the piano, and Anne Marie replied.

Cute, Justin. You have a talent for writing.

And probably for encouraging my husband. Since I’m the one who checks the email and tells him when he should look at something because he is too technologically caustic and unorganized to check his email on the computer my dad bought for us, he probably won’t be seeing your blog anytime soon!

It would only serve to remind him of the fact that I got rid of the piano, and the camper, and about 80% of what was in the camper (much of it things I owned and thought I donated up to ten years ago), while he was out of town at Horning’s. I am tired of living like a rat in armageddon. Towanda!!

Anyway, no offense to you. I found this very amusing. But if he reads stuff like that it puffs up his notion that his identity is centered around his idiosyncratic hoarding, among other things, and it should center around the fact that he wanted a family (and wants an even bigger one–fat chance) and wanted to be a partner in a marriage.

Even doormats need their day now and then.

Love, Anne Marie, ball and chain extraordinaire and hopeless bitch.

I responded:

Annie Marie,
thanks for the feedback.
I hope that Tony will be able to find a better balance when he encounters those opportunities to hoard. My next blog addresses some of those issues in myself and Trish and how we had a purging of junk this summer.
Did you see the part about how you crawled in the back of the truck and fell asleep across the two car seats?
LOL
Mind if I quote you or summarize the upshot? I love the part about ‘thought I donated up to ten years ago‘! LMAO
I also love how you don’t intend to let him see it. Realize that I may be impressed with how he salvaged an old barn but I don’t endorse deception.
It was a classic sit-com move. I can even see how his eyes must’ve temporarily gone off into the distance when he started to calculate his options.
I gotta come play poker with these guys some time!

She replied:

[in part] “When I wrote to you I had just had two cavities done and was still numb and loopy. I’m a little more balanced now myself. Thanks for not endorsing deception!! Annie”


Hide that piano under the chia pet

October 3, 2007

Bracco told me some great stories during our work day and trip to Horning’s . Many of them ought to stay private, preserving my right not to incriminate either of us.

One, in particular, bears repeating though. Tony was also in the midst of a feng shui project: turning a crowded garage into a romper room with the help of his father-in-law. Nine months back Tony had stashed something there contrary to his wife’s wishes.

A neighbor had sold them a washing machine. Afterwards she asked Tony if he knew of anyone who wanted an upright piano. He said, “Well, yeah. Me.” Although it was old and needed work, Bracco knew it had value. He rolled it home and put it in the garage.

THEN he mentioned it to Anne Marie.

“Honey, do you remember that piano…?”

She replied, to the effect of, “NO! Don’t even think about it!” Oops. He didn’t specify how he hid it exactly except that, “It was so crowded in there she didn’t notice.” Well, yeah. Especially if you buried it in old chia pets and painting tarps.

Tony had to clear out and organize the garage to paint the walls. The biggest things he left in the middle. There’s the piano.

Then Anne Marie came home.

Maybe the piano will go to the hideout with the woodstove.

Sometimes it’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

Bracco’s in charge of the recycling crew at Horning’s Hideout, and his area is full of salvaged cast-offs and dumpster scores.

They used to be set up in a tent in the sun and take showers pumped from a pond that left the crew only marginally cleaner. Except the time dead fish were caught in the pipe. Then the showers left them worse off than before.

Bracco had his eye on an old barn nearby and eventually worked up the nerve to propose an idea to the boss. I think it was the eau-de-poisson-mort that did it. After extensive cleaning they had created a niche, rigged it with electricity, and found sources of clean running water. At the very far end of the barn he forced open a door and discovered a toilet ‘that looked like something out of X-files’. It had several feet of rotting leaves and assorted debris.

He’d seen worse messes in Iraq, so he cleaned it with a vengeance in the name of “Life, Privacy, and the pursuit of flushiness”!

The crew filled their niche with discarded furniture and supplies. They’ve got two fridges, a stove, a microwave, a stereo, a computer, sinks, showers, couches, and pool table. The pool table is pretty beat up and far from level. One hole in particular has a stronger gravitational force than all the others. If you can get a ball near its vortex eventually it will be sucked in. It’s more like playing table-golf, I guess. You have to know the lay of the green.

Point being: sometimes asking permission has a great reward.

 

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Haut Oven Kaput [wood stove done for]

September 28, 2007

Oma’s old wood stove was kaput. Since she is planning to move, Oma’s been gradually having repairs and improvements made. We know this much.

I remember the time I discovered the wood stove was kaput. The news spread quickly and loudly through the house and reached the fire department soon after.

We hadn’t used it in years, but I thought I’d show off the fire building skills I’d honed during our 18 months off the grid. The fire department had visited our cabin as well.

I found appropriately sized pieces of wood in the garage. Unlike the wood colored sponges we used to burn, these were bone dry scrap lumber, like pressure-treated 2″ x 4″ chunks and particle board.

I loaded the stove full and, with copious newspaper from the recycling, lit it. After I closed the door I noticed that one of the glass panels was broken. This meant more air was rushing in and I could not extinguish the blaze by closing the flue or smoke would billow into the living room. Or that’s what I thought might happen. Instead I thought maybe we should wait and see.

We saw the chimney pipe start glowing red hot. We heard wind whooshing, fire crackling, and metal creaking. So I called 911.

We hadn’t cleared all the boxes and papers and clutter from the family room by this point. I’m talking about an incident from Thanksgiving 2005, I believe.

When the four firefighters arrived they exchanged quick and coded glances that said, “This place is a tinderbox. Good thing they panicked or we’d be checking dental records.”

By then the glow had faded somewhat and they opted to simply wait for it go out. Then they proceeded to pry panels off the wall to see if anything had caught on fire behind the flue. It hadn’t. Now Oma had another mess to clean up.

The following day I put the stove door in the garage. On a subsequent visit I put it out in the trash. I caught a bit of flack for that when Oma found out, but she hadn’t replaced the glass.

Now she has a gas stove in that spot.


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